Meet Barack Obama
Meet Joe Biden - I did & he's the REAL DEAL!!!
2008 DNC Convention Acceptance Speech
Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
I'm Baaaaack...
UPDATE: As promised, pics of the babies...
Hey guys let me in, I'm the smallest & it's cold up here!
Now that this whole "elder care" issue is in the spot light, I've got a lot of things in the works, I was just interviewed by the local news paper yesterday, I'm also still working on some other things with the local & national media! I've heard through the 'grapevine' that there are some distant relatives unhappy with the fact that I'm "airing dirty laundry" - Oh Well!!! I don't pretend to be anything I'm not & I'm neither ashamed or embarrassed of anything I've said or done! I'll post more on that later, no time for pettiness right now!!! In the mean time check out this petition that I started (& sign please;) Please Help Support U.S. Caregivers http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/525657873 . I'll post more specifics as soon as I dig out of the boxes :) Again, thanks for ALL the caring & concerned emails, you all are the BEST!!!
Hey guys let me in, I'm the smallest & it's cold up here!
I can't miss dinner if I'm in the bowl!
Now that this whole "elder care" issue is in the spot light, I've got a lot of things in the works, I was just interviewed by the local news paper yesterday, I'm also still working on some other things with the local & national media! I've heard through the 'grapevine' that there are some distant relatives unhappy with the fact that I'm "airing dirty laundry" - Oh Well!!! I don't pretend to be anything I'm not & I'm neither ashamed or embarrassed of anything I've said or done! I'll post more on that later, no time for pettiness right now!!! In the mean time check out this petition that I started (& sign please;) Please Help Support U.S. Caregivers http://www.thepetitionsite.com/petition/525657873 . I'll post more specifics as soon as I dig out of the boxes :) Again, thanks for ALL the caring & concerned emails, you all are the BEST!!!
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
We Are Officially Homeless in NC...
It's done. Our home has been 'purchased' by the mortgage company! Apparently, there is some '10 day upset bid' period that happens now for anyone who may have been interested, but was unable to be at the auction. From what I've been told (by the mortgage company's' attorney...) after that 10 day period we will get notice from the Sheriff's Dept. that we have anywhere from 3-10 days to vacate the premises!!!
I had to pick my daughter up early from school today in order to go to the auction. When she got to the office, I noticed that she had red spots all over her face. She has been dealing with a cold the past 2 weeks or so & has had a horrible cough we've been trying to get rid of. Anyway, it became obvious today that what we had been doing is not working so, because we have no medical insurance I had to take her to the ER. We had been there for about 2-3 hours when a nurse came out & handed her a mask & said because of her cough she would need to wear it. We waited a few more hours & she was just soooo uncomfortable & miserable that I decided to bring her home. I knew her pain, when you are just too sick to sit in a hospital waiting to be seen! It's now 1:36 am & I'm debating whether to take her back over or not. Right now she is resting comfortably, she's basically sleeping sitting up! I know that I need help in getting her to feel better, it's not going away on it's own, or with over the counter cough medicine! I'm most concerned about it becoming pneumonia. I think I will let her sleep awhile & when she starts coughing again, I will take her back (it always gets worse in the middle of the night!).
All of this takes me back to a few posts ago, about God not giving you anymore than you can handle - God PLEASE, I'm suffocating here, why do You seem to trust me so much? I NEED a break, a chance to catch my breath. And if it's like I was raised & You are truly punishing me for something, will You Please give me a clue so I can change whatever it is that You are so angry with me for? I'm kind of 'thick' sometimes so You may just need to drop something on my head for me to get it, but You already know that don't You?
There really must be some lesson here, but right now I just can't seem to see it! After having worked EMS, private duty home health care, & hospice for years & dealing with all types of people & their varying issues, I never understood the whole 'hopelessness' feeling until today! Today I finally understand why some choose suicide - I personally don't have the 'guts' to even attempt that, besides with my luck I would just end up screwing that up as well. Just having the feeling of nowhere to turn is so overwhelming. People try to be nice or polite by saying they understand, but unless you've been in this position, you really don't & right now I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone - words just can't describe. All along, I kept thinking, the worse our situation got, the more attention would be brought to the whole 'Role Reversal - Adult Children Caring for Disabled & Elderly Parents' issue. Apparently, I couldn't have been more wrong!!! No one cares, we are insignificant, nobodies! Maybe it's the timing of it all with 'Super Tuesday' & all, we just don't rate - we can't possibly compete with politicians who have campaign mangers & speech writers. Obviously my words aren't as eloquent as 'It's Time For Change' or whatever their mantra is this week - even though a Positive Change is what I'm so desperately needing right now!!!
My daughter is now coughing her head off again & I will once again attempt to get her seen in the ER, I will update our outcome later.
UPDATE: Brianna has pneumonia! After about 8 hours in the ER they did a chest x-ray & told me that she does in fact have pneumonia! They gave us a prescription for Amoxicillin & told me to alternate Tylenol & Ibuprofen every 4 hours.
Monday, February 4, 2008
Hopefully Someone, Anyone, Will Hear Our Story...
Recently ABC "World News Tonight" did a story about the Mortgage Crisis going on, & they are asking for people to write in & tell of their financial worries. Tonight, I posted this on their message board...
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=4210602&page=1
My Families financial issues are a little different than what I've read here so far, so I figured I would add my comment as well. Our home is going to be sold at auction tomorrow 2/4/08. We didn't get into a mortgage that was above our means. We weren't in an ARM. We aren't maxxed out with Credit Card debt, as a matter of fact we have NO credit card debt. Our home was purchased in 2003 for $80,000 (we live in NC as well). We had a fixed rate of 7.25% for 20 years. Our payments were $830/month including taxes & insurance. Our trouble began when we took my Mom in who is mentally & physically disabled & was unable to care for herself independently. Did I have other options? Sure, I could have put her into a full time care facility, but she's my Mom & I chose to keep her home with us. We got behind when her Medicare Part D initial $2450 ran out & she fell into the "Gap". We then had to start paying full price for her medications, which some months were in excess of $3000 & her income (SS & my deceased fathers pension) was less than half that amount. We did look into Medicaid & some of the drug companies that offer assistance & we were told that my Moms income was too much to get help...??? YET, had she been on her own, she would have never been able to survive. We filed bankruptcy in January of 2007 in order to save our home. Two days later, my husband, who is an Over the Road Truck Driver was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes & was sent home on temporary disability. It took almost 2 months to get his first check, in the meantime we got even further behind. In March of 2007 our daughter (7 at the time) had to have her tonsils & adenoids out & tubes put in her ears. I have Crohn's disease, I was diagnosed when I was 16 (I'm 39 now) & also am on medications that there are no generics for - I'd like to add here that Crohn's tends to be affected by stress. So I guess according to some peoples standards or opinions - we were living above our means by getting sick??? I mean after all, if you can't afford it you don't get it right?! We certainly couldn't afford all the illness in our house!!! I recently sent in an application & video to "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" nominating a community based program that helps families like mine dealing with Role Reversal - Adult Children Caring for Disabled & Elderly Parents. My Mom had been on the waiting list for this particular program for about 1 1/2 years. When her care & our finances were finally too much for us to handle, I had to accept defeat & have my Mom put into an Assisted Living Facility. This decision was not easy for me, but we were out of options. Now in the final days of 'home ownership' I have been emailing our story to anyone I could find email addresses for including - local radio stations & local news stations - so far nothing promising. It all comes down to this: It was MY decision to help my Mom, my husband never once said she had to go or that he was done, all he ever wanted was to make ME happy!!! What did he get in return for that - I LOST our home, for helping my Mom, I did what I thought I was supposed to do. Am I perfect - NO, over the course of the past few years I've made plenty of mistakes concerning my Moms mental illness, mainly because I was ignorant to what was involved & her patterns & behaviors. I made decisions for her based on what she WANTED rather than what I knew she NEEDED. When I started doing my own research on her illness is when I started making decisions based on what she NEEDED, but by then it was too late! I feel like if we had lived in one of the 'mini mansions' we keep seeing people lose, we'd have a much better chance of surviving this - the solution would be to downsize! We are not in a position of downsizing - our mortgage payment was only $830/month I can't rent for less than that here. I don't have a brand new 'Escalade' or some other luxury anything to trade in either, we may end up in our falling apart, 2000 Explorer. My thoughts & prayers go out to the 18 or more other families in our community who are also on the waiting list for that very same program my Mom was waiting to get into. I hope that help comes soon enough to atleast help them. I'm done!
By: homelessinNC
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/story?id=4210602&page=1
My Families financial issues are a little different than what I've read here so far, so I figured I would add my comment as well. Our home is going to be sold at auction tomorrow 2/4/08. We didn't get into a mortgage that was above our means. We weren't in an ARM. We aren't maxxed out with Credit Card debt, as a matter of fact we have NO credit card debt. Our home was purchased in 2003 for $80,000 (we live in NC as well). We had a fixed rate of 7.25% for 20 years. Our payments were $830/month including taxes & insurance. Our trouble began when we took my Mom in who is mentally & physically disabled & was unable to care for herself independently. Did I have other options? Sure, I could have put her into a full time care facility, but she's my Mom & I chose to keep her home with us. We got behind when her Medicare Part D initial $2450 ran out & she fell into the "Gap". We then had to start paying full price for her medications, which some months were in excess of $3000 & her income (SS & my deceased fathers pension) was less than half that amount. We did look into Medicaid & some of the drug companies that offer assistance & we were told that my Moms income was too much to get help...??? YET, had she been on her own, she would have never been able to survive. We filed bankruptcy in January of 2007 in order to save our home. Two days later, my husband, who is an Over the Road Truck Driver was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes & was sent home on temporary disability. It took almost 2 months to get his first check, in the meantime we got even further behind. In March of 2007 our daughter (7 at the time) had to have her tonsils & adenoids out & tubes put in her ears. I have Crohn's disease, I was diagnosed when I was 16 (I'm 39 now) & also am on medications that there are no generics for - I'd like to add here that Crohn's tends to be affected by stress. So I guess according to some peoples standards or opinions - we were living above our means by getting sick??? I mean after all, if you can't afford it you don't get it right?! We certainly couldn't afford all the illness in our house!!! I recently sent in an application & video to "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" nominating a community based program that helps families like mine dealing with Role Reversal - Adult Children Caring for Disabled & Elderly Parents. My Mom had been on the waiting list for this particular program for about 1 1/2 years. When her care & our finances were finally too much for us to handle, I had to accept defeat & have my Mom put into an Assisted Living Facility. This decision was not easy for me, but we were out of options. Now in the final days of 'home ownership' I have been emailing our story to anyone I could find email addresses for including - local radio stations & local news stations - so far nothing promising. It all comes down to this: It was MY decision to help my Mom, my husband never once said she had to go or that he was done, all he ever wanted was to make ME happy!!! What did he get in return for that - I LOST our home, for helping my Mom, I did what I thought I was supposed to do. Am I perfect - NO, over the course of the past few years I've made plenty of mistakes concerning my Moms mental illness, mainly because I was ignorant to what was involved & her patterns & behaviors. I made decisions for her based on what she WANTED rather than what I knew she NEEDED. When I started doing my own research on her illness is when I started making decisions based on what she NEEDED, but by then it was too late! I feel like if we had lived in one of the 'mini mansions' we keep seeing people lose, we'd have a much better chance of surviving this - the solution would be to downsize! We are not in a position of downsizing - our mortgage payment was only $830/month I can't rent for less than that here. I don't have a brand new 'Escalade' or some other luxury anything to trade in either, we may end up in our falling apart, 2000 Explorer. My thoughts & prayers go out to the 18 or more other families in our community who are also on the waiting list for that very same program my Mom was waiting to get into. I hope that help comes soon enough to atleast help them. I'm done!
By: homelessinNC
Sunday, February 3, 2008
I'm Done...
I've done all I can do at this point. I've emailed our story to everyone I could find an email for. It's now in their hands, to decide if our story & situation is worthy or not. I did get 2 responses so far 1 from a local radio station who basically made a recording of what is happening to us to see if listeners might have a house they'd be willing to rent to us - nothing so far. The other was from a local ABC news anchor, she called me Friday afternoon not even 10-15 minutes after she got off the air with the News at Noon. She was so kind & she seemed to genuinely care about our situation. We talked for a good 30-45 minutes, media people sometimes get a bad rap for being there only for the story & ratings - she is so NOT one of them!!! She was passing on our story to one of the weekend anchors, but so far I haven't heard from him. I do hope I hear back from her on Monday, but I do have to be at the auction for the house at 2:30. I also sent an email to ABC's "World News Tonight" - I had seen somewhere that they were working on a story dealing with some of the issues that we've had to deal with so maybe they will be interested. No one can save our home at this point so, I've basically given up hope on that idea, but if our story could help someone else, that would be awesome!!!
I don't like to judge other peoples situations or actions, having not walked in their shoes, but I have got to say that I've seen some stories recently on the news about other families losing half million dollar (or more) homes & my thought is OK, down size. We didn't get into a mortgage that was above our means. We bought our home for $80,000 with a 20yr fixed rate mortgage & our payments were $830/month including taxes & insurance. We got behind when my Mom's medications got out of control. The decision I made to take care of my Mom was what I thought I was supposed to do.
The way we were raised I had always been told that if something bad happens to you that you must have done something to deserve it & that was God's way of punishing you. For the life of me I can't figure out what I've done to get to where we are, which as of Monday will be homeless!!! I know that is irrational thinking to most, but that is what has been drilled in my head for years growing up in our church. No matter how many times someone says that God is not a punishing, vengeful, God, that is what I know & right now I can't see past what's happening to us. I used to think that I was a good person, not perfect, but good. I always try to help other people out when I can, I try to see others' point of view(even though I may not agree), I try not to judge anyone - because regardless of what I may or may not know about them, no one truly knows what inner turmoil someone may be dealing with.
I know that there are people in far worse positions than we are in & I know that things can always get worse. All of this sounds terribly self absorbed, I know, but this is my "therapy session" so I should be able to say whatever I want here - so I will. I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight, who just so happens to be one of the smartest people I know, we have been friends for more than 10 years or so now & we've seen each other through a lot of ups & downs. Anyway, she was raised to believe the same about being punished & now many years later (she's quite a few years older than me & I've always thought of her as an "older sister" or "motherly" type) she subscribes to a whole new way of thinking. As I explained to her how I was being punished, she tried to tell me that I was not & that she knows by this summer I will be looking back & wondering why I ever felt the way I do. I told her that right now I don't even know where we'll be by this summer! She said that if the whole punishing thing is true than that would mean my husband & my daughter are being punished as well & how would that be fair. I told her that my husband is being punished for the same reason I am. I made the decision to keep my Mom here with us because I didn't want to see her in a facility, I thought she'd be better off with us. In the meantime I put the rest of my family at risk, financially, mentally, & emotionally. My husband is being punished because he never told me to put her in a facility, instead he said, "I just want you to be happy". I want to make it clear that this is not a "poor me", I am doing what children of alcoholics do best & that is to rationalize - for everything that is happening in my life there is a perfectly good explanation(rationalization).
I recently finished a video I had been working on since 3/07 for ABC's "Extreme Makeover Home Edition", & sent it in about a week or so ago. I nominated a community based program that helps with disabled & elderly adults, who for whatever reason can't be left home alone. It started out being about me & my family, but after meeting so many of the other families involved in or who are still on the waiting list for this program, it changed me - I truly felt for these families in waiting, we had a lot in common. I'm so hoping that ABC will see my video & decide to come & help the 18 other families that are still on the waiting list. If those families got the help that we never did - that video would be my greatest accomplishment to date (OK it would be #2 right after my daughter!). If our situation brings attention to the whole "Role Reversal - Adult Children Taking Care of Disabled or Elderly Parents" issue than most of what we have been through will have been worth it.
I'm trying to stay faithful & hopeful, but I'm kind of lacking in those right now, but, I do have a few people around me who are full of faith & hope, so I hope that they have enough to carry me through right now. I will probably post again Monday night with the outcome of the foreclosure sale, until then, if you have a little extra faith & hope to spare, please think of my family. Thanks for listening (reading).
I don't like to judge other peoples situations or actions, having not walked in their shoes, but I have got to say that I've seen some stories recently on the news about other families losing half million dollar (or more) homes & my thought is OK, down size. We didn't get into a mortgage that was above our means. We bought our home for $80,000 with a 20yr fixed rate mortgage & our payments were $830/month including taxes & insurance. We got behind when my Mom's medications got out of control. The decision I made to take care of my Mom was what I thought I was supposed to do.
The way we were raised I had always been told that if something bad happens to you that you must have done something to deserve it & that was God's way of punishing you. For the life of me I can't figure out what I've done to get to where we are, which as of Monday will be homeless!!! I know that is irrational thinking to most, but that is what has been drilled in my head for years growing up in our church. No matter how many times someone says that God is not a punishing, vengeful, God, that is what I know & right now I can't see past what's happening to us. I used to think that I was a good person, not perfect, but good. I always try to help other people out when I can, I try to see others' point of view(even though I may not agree), I try not to judge anyone - because regardless of what I may or may not know about them, no one truly knows what inner turmoil someone may be dealing with.
I know that there are people in far worse positions than we are in & I know that things can always get worse. All of this sounds terribly self absorbed, I know, but this is my "therapy session" so I should be able to say whatever I want here - so I will. I had a conversation with a friend of mine tonight, who just so happens to be one of the smartest people I know, we have been friends for more than 10 years or so now & we've seen each other through a lot of ups & downs. Anyway, she was raised to believe the same about being punished & now many years later (she's quite a few years older than me & I've always thought of her as an "older sister" or "motherly" type) she subscribes to a whole new way of thinking. As I explained to her how I was being punished, she tried to tell me that I was not & that she knows by this summer I will be looking back & wondering why I ever felt the way I do. I told her that right now I don't even know where we'll be by this summer! She said that if the whole punishing thing is true than that would mean my husband & my daughter are being punished as well & how would that be fair. I told her that my husband is being punished for the same reason I am. I made the decision to keep my Mom here with us because I didn't want to see her in a facility, I thought she'd be better off with us. In the meantime I put the rest of my family at risk, financially, mentally, & emotionally. My husband is being punished because he never told me to put her in a facility, instead he said, "I just want you to be happy". I want to make it clear that this is not a "poor me", I am doing what children of alcoholics do best & that is to rationalize - for everything that is happening in my life there is a perfectly good explanation(rationalization).
I recently finished a video I had been working on since 3/07 for ABC's "Extreme Makeover Home Edition", & sent it in about a week or so ago. I nominated a community based program that helps with disabled & elderly adults, who for whatever reason can't be left home alone. It started out being about me & my family, but after meeting so many of the other families involved in or who are still on the waiting list for this program, it changed me - I truly felt for these families in waiting, we had a lot in common. I'm so hoping that ABC will see my video & decide to come & help the 18 other families that are still on the waiting list. If those families got the help that we never did - that video would be my greatest accomplishment to date (OK it would be #2 right after my daughter!). If our situation brings attention to the whole "Role Reversal - Adult Children Taking Care of Disabled or Elderly Parents" issue than most of what we have been through will have been worth it.
I'm trying to stay faithful & hopeful, but I'm kind of lacking in those right now, but, I do have a few people around me who are full of faith & hope, so I hope that they have enough to carry me through right now. I will probably post again Monday night with the outcome of the foreclosure sale, until then, if you have a little extra faith & hope to spare, please think of my family. Thanks for listening (reading).
Thursday, January 24, 2008
The Whole Ugly Story...
My name is ”Caregiver”, I’m 39yrs old, I’m married to an awesome man, & we have an 8yr old little girl Brianna, who, even after being exposed to as much as she has in the past few years, is quite a character with a very loving & gentle soul. I’m also the daughter of a Mentally & Physically disabled Mother, who for the past almost 2yrs up until a few months ago I was her full time caregiver. There is absolutely nothing special or heart wrenching about our family. We haven’t suffered any devastating events or lost any family members. We are just a typical family struggling to survive.
My Mom has been mentally ill all of my life & I believe most of her own life as well. Although, having grown up in that environment I never knew any different, about 2yrs ago it became obvious that my Mom, because of both mental & physical disabilities, could no longer care for herself independently, so we moved her in with us in order to keep her from going into a full time care facility.
During the course of the past 2yrs our situation has gone from bad to worse to desperate. I didn’t realize at the time the added expense of caring for my Mom at home would literally cripple us. There were periods of time that my Moms medications alone were close to $3000 per month, & her income was literally less than half that amount. I soon had to choose weather to pay the Mortgage & household bills or pay for her medications. I chose her medications & I’m not complaining, if I had to do it over again we would do the exact same thing.
My husband, being the man that he is, would constantly tell me that he just wanted our daughter & me to be happy & that he would do what he could to make that possible. My husband is an over the road truck driver, that being said, he sometimes stays out for up to 4 months at a time to help make ends meet. In January of 2007, it became necessary to file for bankruptcy in order to save our home. Literally 2 days later, my husband was diagnosed with type II diabetes & was sent home on temporary disability. It took close to 2 months for him to get his first disability check. On top of all of my Mom’s medical expenses, we now had to add his medical expenses, such as testing supplies, insulin & other medications into the mix as well. We also had to change the way we did our grocery shopping, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing it’s just more expensive to eat healthier.
During this same period of time, my daughter, who had be diagnosed prior w/asthma, allergies, & multiple ear infections, finally had to have surgery to remove her tonsils, adenoids, & have tubes put in her ears.
And then there is me, the “Caregiver”, I have Crohn’s Disease. I was diagnosed when I was 16 & for the most part I have learned how to control it without much medical intervention, but with all of this going on & the stress it entails it has been flaring up more frequently now & we have had to ‘splurge’ & buy my medications so the ‘caregiver’ could continue to give care to all the other sick members of the household. Needless to say we got even further behind.
I believe it was the end of April beginning of May when he was finally released to go back to work. During this whole period of time I was unable to work outside of the home due to my Mom’s need for constant supervision. I decided to see what I could do to make money from home. I opened my own store on ebay Scent * Tastic selling handmade bath & body products, that I made right here in my kitchen as well as some high end cosmetics that I got for good prices. As with any new business, every penny I made had to go right back into the business.
Things were starting to look up in that, I had gotten my Mom into a Medicare Prescription plan where most of her Medications were going to be covered & we could combine our incomes to start getting caught up.
Over the course of this past summer, my Mom’s mental illness gradually got worse to the point where there was little to nothing I could for her. She became very abusive & combative towards myself as well as others including her Dr’s & my 8 yr old little girl. In October, I finally had to make the decision to have my Mom put into an Assisted Living Facility, as I could no longer handle her care on my own. Her behavior had become so disruptive that it was now affecting my daughters’ behavior & performance in school. Of course my daughter was very upset by this since she would no longer be able to play with Grandma on a daily basis, which was also upsetting to me because when I was her age I had an awesome relationship with my Grandma & was hoping she could look back & have those same types of memories of her Grandma.
I knew when I made this decision that foreclosure was imminent. We just couldn’t handle the bankruptcy payment, the mortgage, & all of our regular monthly bills now without Moms income.
Since that time, my husband has had some bad luck with his truck with breakdowns & repairs & instead of getting ahead we’ve actually gotten even further behind. My car is probably going to be repossessed any day now as we’ve gotten about 4 months behind on that as well. People don’t realize when you get so far behind on everything, unless something drastic happens like all of a sudden your income doubles or you win the lottery for a substantial amount, you don’t just catch up. This Christmas would not have even happened if it weren’t for a Great bunch of people who belong to the Church we’ve been attending.
We have now gotten to the point of no return, our home will be sold at auction on February 4, 2008, the best I can hope for now is that a compassionate investor purchases our home & will maybe let us rent it. I tell you all of this, not for our benefit, as it is too late for us. Some may say I should have made better choices & I will be the first to admit that I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in dealing with my Mom’s mental illness, but I never meant for any of this to happen, as a matter of fact I really had no idea we would end up here. The issues we have been dealing with the past few years are just the beginning. There are plenty of families dealing with some of the same issues. The subject of "Caregiving" needs attention as this is a growing family dynamic. As "Caregivers" we need more resources, education, & guidance in making decisions on issues we've never dealt with before.
Even though my Mom is now in an Assisted Living Facility, this is an issue that I would like to stay involved in just because of what we've been through. Right now I have to take care of my own family first, before I'm useful to anyone else.
My Mom has been mentally ill all of my life & I believe most of her own life as well. Although, having grown up in that environment I never knew any different, about 2yrs ago it became obvious that my Mom, because of both mental & physical disabilities, could no longer care for herself independently, so we moved her in with us in order to keep her from going into a full time care facility.
During the course of the past 2yrs our situation has gone from bad to worse to desperate. I didn’t realize at the time the added expense of caring for my Mom at home would literally cripple us. There were periods of time that my Moms medications alone were close to $3000 per month, & her income was literally less than half that amount. I soon had to choose weather to pay the Mortgage & household bills or pay for her medications. I chose her medications & I’m not complaining, if I had to do it over again we would do the exact same thing.
My husband, being the man that he is, would constantly tell me that he just wanted our daughter & me to be happy & that he would do what he could to make that possible. My husband is an over the road truck driver, that being said, he sometimes stays out for up to 4 months at a time to help make ends meet. In January of 2007, it became necessary to file for bankruptcy in order to save our home. Literally 2 days later, my husband was diagnosed with type II diabetes & was sent home on temporary disability. It took close to 2 months for him to get his first disability check. On top of all of my Mom’s medical expenses, we now had to add his medical expenses, such as testing supplies, insulin & other medications into the mix as well. We also had to change the way we did our grocery shopping, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing it’s just more expensive to eat healthier.
During this same period of time, my daughter, who had be diagnosed prior w/asthma, allergies, & multiple ear infections, finally had to have surgery to remove her tonsils, adenoids, & have tubes put in her ears.
And then there is me, the “Caregiver”, I have Crohn’s Disease. I was diagnosed when I was 16 & for the most part I have learned how to control it without much medical intervention, but with all of this going on & the stress it entails it has been flaring up more frequently now & we have had to ‘splurge’ & buy my medications so the ‘caregiver’ could continue to give care to all the other sick members of the household. Needless to say we got even further behind.
I believe it was the end of April beginning of May when he was finally released to go back to work. During this whole period of time I was unable to work outside of the home due to my Mom’s need for constant supervision. I decided to see what I could do to make money from home. I opened my own store on ebay Scent * Tastic selling handmade bath & body products, that I made right here in my kitchen as well as some high end cosmetics that I got for good prices. As with any new business, every penny I made had to go right back into the business.
Things were starting to look up in that, I had gotten my Mom into a Medicare Prescription plan where most of her Medications were going to be covered & we could combine our incomes to start getting caught up.
Over the course of this past summer, my Mom’s mental illness gradually got worse to the point where there was little to nothing I could for her. She became very abusive & combative towards myself as well as others including her Dr’s & my 8 yr old little girl. In October, I finally had to make the decision to have my Mom put into an Assisted Living Facility, as I could no longer handle her care on my own. Her behavior had become so disruptive that it was now affecting my daughters’ behavior & performance in school. Of course my daughter was very upset by this since she would no longer be able to play with Grandma on a daily basis, which was also upsetting to me because when I was her age I had an awesome relationship with my Grandma & was hoping she could look back & have those same types of memories of her Grandma.
I knew when I made this decision that foreclosure was imminent. We just couldn’t handle the bankruptcy payment, the mortgage, & all of our regular monthly bills now without Moms income.
Since that time, my husband has had some bad luck with his truck with breakdowns & repairs & instead of getting ahead we’ve actually gotten even further behind. My car is probably going to be repossessed any day now as we’ve gotten about 4 months behind on that as well. People don’t realize when you get so far behind on everything, unless something drastic happens like all of a sudden your income doubles or you win the lottery for a substantial amount, you don’t just catch up. This Christmas would not have even happened if it weren’t for a Great bunch of people who belong to the Church we’ve been attending.
We have now gotten to the point of no return, our home will be sold at auction on February 4, 2008, the best I can hope for now is that a compassionate investor purchases our home & will maybe let us rent it. I tell you all of this, not for our benefit, as it is too late for us. Some may say I should have made better choices & I will be the first to admit that I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in dealing with my Mom’s mental illness, but I never meant for any of this to happen, as a matter of fact I really had no idea we would end up here. The issues we have been dealing with the past few years are just the beginning. There are plenty of families dealing with some of the same issues. The subject of "Caregiving" needs attention as this is a growing family dynamic. As "Caregivers" we need more resources, education, & guidance in making decisions on issues we've never dealt with before.
Even though my Mom is now in an Assisted Living Facility, this is an issue that I would like to stay involved in just because of what we've been through. Right now I have to take care of my own family first, before I'm useful to anyone else.
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