I haven't quite figured that out yet...My Mom is in an Assisted Living Facility so that added stress is gone, but yet I'm still overwhelmed. I know that there isn't anything we can do as far as the foreclosure is concerned, so there's no point in stressing about that, but I am. I don't know exactly how long we have before we will have to be out of here, so I guess that is the hardest part, when you are a control freak - & everything is sooooo out of your control! Being the child of an Alcoholic, I've always been a bit of a perfectionist - if I can't do it right, I just don't do it at all!!!
Some of the things I've done lately to distract myself include, but are not limited to: getting involved in different forums & having conversations that have nothing at all to do with our current situation, I've been reading a book that a friend gave to me Daily Comforts for Caregivers by Pat Samples (although it is one of those daily "type" reads, there have been a few days that I just can't seem to put it down!). I've just done some general looking around the internet to keep my mind occupied & learned different things that I will NEVER need to know anyway - for instance, do you know what the safest form of transportation is? Elevators - there is only 1 death per every 100 million miles traveled! Who knew??? I've been doing some research on how to build up my eBay store Scent Tastic & have actually found something that my husband & I have both agreed is worth looking into, but right now we just don't have the $$$ to invest in it (I'll just store that with the USEFUL information for now!).
Recently I have been told more times than I can count to "Let Go & Let God", that is easier said than done when you've been raised to believe that "God helps those who help themselves". Like I said in my last post - there are soooo many people that I want to help, but I can't even help myself right now - where do I start? I've also been told over & over that "God never gives you more than you can handle", well I'm glad He has such confidence in me, because in my mind I'm already over my limit. Typically, I am very calm & level headed in a crisis, but at this point in time my energy is completely tapped out. The other saying I've heard a lot of lately is "God never takes something away from you without having something better planned for you", right now I think that is just people trying to be nice.
I know that I must have a purpose here, just not exactly sure what (aside from the obvious, which is to be a Mom to my daughter!). I also know that there must be a really good reason for what we are going through, other wise everything I've read lately from the Bible about God being an "All Loving & All Forgiving God" is just not true! I would like to believe that He IS an "All Loving & All Forgiving God"!!!
Having grown up in a house with an Alcoholic Father & a Mentally Ill Mother, I've never really been good at asking for help, because it just wasn't there. We pretty much had to figure out a lot on our own & there is 12 years between me & my sister, so it was like growing up as an only child for each of us. I wish my Grandmother were still alive - She would know what to do!!!
I guess for right now, my purpose is to finish the video I've been working on since 3/07, & hopefully other families won't have to go through what we've been through. I WILL GET THE VIDEO DONE, THIS WEEK, NO MATTER WHAT(with or without anyone else's help)!!!
Sunday I'm going to do my best to get my daughter & myself to Church for both Sunday School & regular Worship & maybe I'll find some answers there, it certainly couldn't hurt at this point anyway!
I'm going to go try to shut my mind off for now & get some sleep - OMG it's 5:02 am & I'm still sitting here.....
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