I know, I know.....

It's been awhile, I'm still here. I've always be told, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". So I haven't said anything at all. I've had a lot of those days where, you wish you never got out of bed! Although it's not an option for me with an 8 yr old little girl, sometimes I wish it were. There are sooooo many people I know &/or have met recently that I wish I could help, but the truth of the matter is I can't help myself right now, so I'm not much good to any of them either! I so wish my Grandmother were still alive, I need some adult supervision sometimes..... It sounds so ridiculous, but I'm gonna say it anyway, after all, this is MY "therapy session"! When I was a kid - like teen years - I remember thinking "I can't wait to be old enough to be on my own!!!". The truth is that we really need our parents just as much if not more when we are adults &/or parents our selves. The one thing that I know for sure is that I don't want to do to my daughter, what was done to me! My dilemma - how do I avoid that when that is what I know? I don't want to turn into my Mother, but that was my role model as a child. Mental illness runs in my family, how do I avoid the inevitable? Or - is it already too late, have I already been cursed? I think my Mom had mental health issues all of her life, I've made it to 39 & so far have never been diagnosed with anything, does that mean I'm in the clear - or is it right around the corner? I don't really have time to dwell on it, especially when foreclosure is imminent now, the papers from the mortgage company came last week. They say we have 30 days to come up with over $10,000 - not happening! I was doing some cleaning the other day & found a small spot of black mold on the outside of the panel that covers our hot water heater, not sure but I'm thinking there's a lot more behind it!!! Well that would explain my daughters & my cold, allergy, asthma, bronchitis, bouts every 2 weeks or so! For the past few years I've been juggling quite a few balls, a few weeks ago I dropped them all - I need to go pick them up now! Just wanted to let you know that I'm still here & I will try to post more regularly - no guarantees...